I don’t know how to start this vent, but I was just playing video games when I got a text from my youngest brother stating that he doesn’t want another FaceBook message from my husband. I don’t know what was sent but I know the undertone, and it wasn’t pleasant.
I usually have Sunday/Monday off work and I booked off a couple extra days because there is family out from Ontario to do a memorial for my brother who died in August last year. My mom said that she wanted to spread Derek’s ashes on the same day that we spread my dad’s ashes last year.
Here’s a bit of the background. My dad died in December 2009 and in July 2010 we spread his ashes. In August 2010 my brother died. It was too close to my dad’s death and spreading of ashes that no one was mentally prepared to spread his ashes. So the plan was to have family from Ontario come out in the summer of 2011 and do the memorial then. My family arrived on Thursday June 30. I worked on Friday the 1st and Saturday the 2nd. The last time I spoke with my mom I told her to keep me posted on the days because we would have to drive out there and meet her at the bottom of the mountain. My husband had Sunday off and booked off the 6th and 7th because mom said that we would do it on the 6th. She didn’t want to have my brothers memorial on Sunday because it was the long weekend and the lake would be packed.
I thought that today’s blog post would be about my visit to the zoo! Which was brilliant, but I will save that for tomorrow. I left the city around 3:30 and lost phone service just before 4pm. The zoo is in Aldergrove, which is far from Vancouver and my phone plan doesn’t have towers there. Anyways… when I got home last night, my phone showed a missed call from my sister at 4pm and my mom at 8pm. My sister didn’t leave a message at 4pm. But my mom did. In her message (at 8pm), she said that she was on her way to my sister’s place so they could do the memorial for my brother. Uhm what!?
I phoned my mom right back and left her a message saying that no one told me.
I phoned my sister’s line and it went to their machine. I hung up.
I knew they were out doing the memorial. No one was answering their phones and here I was with no bloody clue they had changed the date.
I was really hurt that none of my siblings (2 brother and 1 sister) or their spouses contacted me. Not a text, facebook message, phone message. NOTHING.
Do you know where they went? they drove the boat out to the island where my brother died. ALL of my immediate family was there, all the extended family from Ontario was there. But not I. oh yea, and not my nephew (my brother’s son).
My brother’s son: about a month ago, my sister said that she contacted him (he’s 16 years old). She said that he couldn’t make it. So I believed her. I was also really upset that he wouldn’t be there so I sent him a message (a few weeks ago) stating that it was pretty important to go, even if he didn’t understand why at this moment, he would appreciate it when he was older. This was an event that he shouldn’t miss. The memorial of his dad. He responded with he was never told about it. No one contacted him. I was in the process of trying to convince him to go regardless of his summer school or work. He was responding to me and I think he understood the importance, and eventually, I think he might have said yes. If I didn’t think it was important for the family to be together, I wouldn’t have cared. Everyone should have been together. Sigh…
What a poorly organized event. I am so unimpressed. I am beyond disappointment. I think this is the crappiest thing that has happened. HUGE lack of communication. He was my brother too. I should have been there. I put in a request at work months ago!!! I took days off work to be there months ago! I saved my stats so I could have the time off to do his memorial. And it gets changed and no one tells me.
So whatever. I can’t do anything. I can’t say anything more. I am really upset.
My middle brother is technology inept so I didn’t expect to hear from him. However, his wife’s best friend knew about the memorial on Saturday so that is rather disconcerning. His wife could have contacted me too…but she didn’t.
My sister, she knows how to use a phone, she is always online, and her kids have cell phones. There is no excuse. She is the one who organized it and she should have called and/or left a message with me. I am beyond upset with her. While I was on the phone with my mom last night (after the memorial), I was clearly upset. I didn’t understand why no one contacted me. My sister pipped in the background, “Oh we called at noon” she said. Bullshit. I got really upset then. I was in town and had phone service. What a liar! I couldn’t believe it. Phoned at noon… what nonsense. She flat out lied. No missed calls, no messages.
I am not going to dwell, I am not going to cry anymore. I am not going to be upset. But, I will remember this.
As a note, it’s the next day… and my baby brother is the only person with the heart to contact me. He started off with texting but at least he cared enough to be concerned that we were upset. He phoned to express that he didn’t know what was happening, and he was told that I couldn’t make it. He said that he was up the lake until 4:30 and when he came down, everything was already happening. He didn’t know that I could have been there. He is really upset that I wasn’t there either.
I am beyond disappointed.